Be careful what you wish for...

Who's the boss?

2010-06-25T08:56:00.005-03:00

Yup, this is me... Do I look like an employer? Because I really don't feel like an employer... aren't employers old?

In so many ways I still feel like I'm 18 and just starting out. The person who didn't think I knew it all, I knew I knew it all. Until, that is, I landed without a safety net a few times, flat on my face knocked clear off of my high horse.

I was actually 17 when I struck off for the first time. I was still in high school when I got my first off Island job offer. It was 3 days after I wrote my final high school exam when my parents drove me to Ontario to begin this journey with horses I had spoken about for the 3 agonizing years I was locked in the prison of high school. I was so scared, I'll never forget the feeling of watching my parents drive away and realizing for the first time, I was on my own. That moment was one had been looking forward to for a really long time and when it came, I wasn't prepared for the fear - the desire to run after them and jump back into my safe world. Pride saved me that day and I'm glad it did. My situation was about to take an interesting turn.

My plan was to work at a quarter horse breeding facility for the summer, before making my way out west to work (now 18 and legal) for the winter season. Then on to Australia. My plan didn't include returning home for 2 years. My plan had my employers amazed at my skill with horses. My plan was to return to PEI and prove to everyone that I was a success. My plan got shot to hell. I was home 3 weeks after I left. Humbled, strengthened and eager for more.

People forget that. People forget that when you are 28 you are still the same person you were 10 years before, with a little more humility. Maybe I'm older and 10 years wiser but truth be told half the time I still flounder about until I find my way. I wonder if that changes, if 40 years from now I'll still feel 18... because so many times on this journey with HJC I feel like that scared almost 18 year old - just starting out with high expectations and a whole lot of opinions ready to conquer a piece of the world.

I've been faced with responsibility most of my life - I've always worked with horses and animals and I work with children every day, but it's amazing to me what a difference it is to have someone under my employ looking to me for answers... and more than that for me to be responsible for that person's pay cheque. It's such a grown up thing to do and I feel like that 18 year old again.

I've worked for a lot of people and I was always so excited to learn from them - I asked questions as though I were going to loose my voice, wanting to know their reasoning behind absolutely everything they were doing with their animals and students. I threw away (believe it or not) many of my own opinions and tried to immerse myself in their ways. Wanting to learn it all, to understand. At times, my questioning was misread as a challenge instead of with the respect it was intended. I put myself into somewhat precarious positions with regards to my employment as a result and when your job includes your residence and you are living in a foreign country - this is not exactly the position you want to be in! Today I find myself in a quandary; somewhat fearful that I will hire someone exactly like me and also somewhat hopeful of the same. Scared in a way that I won't live up to my own expectations today or the ones I had at 18. Oh the karma...

Many things are coming full circle these days. I've gone from student to teacher and now I see myself moving from employee to employer. This is a big moment for me! Seeing myself and HJC through the eyes of staff is a new outlook. Funny isn't it that the critic I am most wary of is the 18 year old me?

Why do we complicate things?

2010-06-22T21:59:00.008-03:00

When I graduated high school in 1999 I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to work with horses and people taking what I loved (horses) and use it as a tool to help people.

Knowing what you want is both a blessing and a curse. If you know what you want to be and there is a program at the university or college level, you apply and hope to be accepted. When you know what you want and you are the first to do it - you get the privilege of finding your own way and are very very rarely accepted.

Everyone takes a different path to a destination even if the destination is the same one. That's how we achieve diversity and a unique identity. It's how each journey belongs solely to the travelers. No two doctors face the same experiences or will have identical career paths even when graduating the same program. No two travelers come back from the same place with the same stories.

My path wasn't clearly defined, there were no parameters or road maps to follow when I set out. So, instead of becoming a student of a university or a college - I lived, without the map.

Every day I work with horses and people, I learn. Learning what not to do is sometimes the most important part of growing. I've learned from every person and animal I've been fortunate enough to work with. The resounding lesson? Simple is always better.

Don't get me wrong, knowledge is power and there is no such thing as bad knowledge. However, when working with people and horses in a capacity to 'help' the KISS principal should always apply. Over thinking and over analyzing are the kiss of death especially when working with kids and horses.

What we do at HJC is classified by many as therapy. I've never used the word, although I do see therapeutic benefits - what I do with horses and people is not therapy. It is far simpler than that, I provide an environment. A basic simple place removed from the normal situations these kids face. We share an experience with a common goal: caring for and learning about horses.

Many programs that exist for kids are for a set period of time, they have a clear and defined goal or an end date. I believe in many cases this is counter-productive. Instead of fostering an almost organic learning curve the curve is steepened pushing for 'breakthrough moments'.

So what do I think kids\teenagers need?

I believe they need a safe space and occasionally an adult to talk to who doesn't judge them. They need structure, consistency, balance and reasonable predictable cause and effect.

To provide this environment on a temporary basis reinforces to children that the rug will be pulled out from underneath them again. When program funding ends, so to will their connection to the program. So to will their connection and relationships formed with horses and staff.

What do horses need?

They need a safe space and responsible people to care for and protect them. They need food, water, shelter and a 'stable' environment (no pun intended). This among many other things make a horse's environment the perfect place for teenagers.

Combining the two elements with an open door policy and a volunteer program so that when funding ends the connection to the place doesn't - allows kids to form relationships knowing they can always come back. They are always welcome at HJC.

Simple.

"Your work is to discover your world and then
with all your heart give yourself to it." - Buddha

Social responsibility and kids...

2010-06-13T19:33:00.006-03:00

Kids want to be a part of something. They want to help and if given the chance will choose to volunteer and when given responsibility will rise to the occasion.

I live in Atlantic Canada. After winter the ditches and roads are full of garbage. We may be in an environmental crisis but trust me between the ploughs and the people still throwing trash out their car windows - my road looks disgusting come spring. So, last year we started a clean up day.

It would have been easier in a way to go out with a few garbage bags myself and clean the ditches. No scheduling dramas or organization required. Just garbage bags and gloves. When I considered what we were doing I decided instead to make an event out of the ordeal. On May 1st the dedicated HJC crew will troll the ditches over the agricultural stretch of our road because A: if horses consume the garbage they could become quite ill and B: it's gross to look at. In return we will let the horses out for their first run in their big paddock of the season and have a BBQ.

Regardless to say I had VERY low expectations for attendance.

What kid or teenager was going to request to come to the barn to pick up other people's garbage out of the ditches? Most of the kids didn't even live in the area!

2010 was the second year for our little clean up and once again I was pleasantly surprised. Kids showed up with parents, convincing them that this was something they should do. Not only that we had repeat picker uppers! Concerned and because they were given the opportunity to - dedicated in their work.

We laughed and picked up the icky from the ditches like a team.

Giving kids the chance to give back is so important. To know that they have the power to make a difference no matter what their family situation, is life changing. To share the experience with them breaks down communication barriers and puts both of you on the same level. It builds trust and a very special bond.

I've had deeper conversations with a pitch fork in my hand then any other time of my life!

I hope you give kids the chance to make a difference in their communities. You'd be surprised!

What am I?

2010-03-01T12:08:00.004-04:00

I recently spoke (quite poorly) at an equine symposium, the first ever, on Prince Edward Island. It was a great thing for groups of people in different areas of the industry to come together and talk about the one thing they have in common: horses.

After I spoke I was approached by a few people who were glad to hear of my work with high risk youth and kids, however I was also approached by one in particular who was not. This person is someone I have a deep respect for professionally and personally, which is perhaps why her reaction to my work stung more than it should have. She thought I was a fraud.

We spoke candidly for a time and I hope we have a better understanding although it occurred to me that if one person was saying it others were thinking it. So here I am to set the record straight and hopefully alleviate any other misconceptions.

My name is Rena Ellen Jones and I own The Hughes-Jones Centre for People and Animals (HJC). At HJC we work with a variety of clients but have specific interest in working with high risk youth. We use horses in our work to help clients better understand relationships and learn skills to help them better navigate through life. Criticism exists to tell me that this is not a 'new and unique' idea - and I've never claimed it was. Our centre is new and unique and so is our approach but our values are quite traditional. We do not claim to be a cure all and we are certainly not counselling our clients - we facilitate experiences with horses and make those experiences available to the people we feel need it most.

So wouldn't any riding stable do similar things?

I'm an advocate for working with horses in any capacity, I believe we can learn something from every coach and every animal. However, the primary focus at HJC is working with high risk youth and going out of our way to get to the kids that need it most. We are not a competitive stable, we do not train kids to compete. We do not focus on riding the horses. We work from the ground up trying to provide a safe place, consistency, collaborating with the youth their youth workers, social workers, parents etc to create a learning environment and goals specific to them.

What makes me qualified?

After all I don't have any letters after my name, nor do I have any affiliation with national horse or mental health associations. This is a conscious decision, a choice made out of necessity on moral grounds. I am NOT a certified coach through Equine Canada and more importantly I do not want to be certified through that organization. I have ridden and worked with horses all across North America, Europe, Asia and Oceania where I taught clients from all over the world. There are many schools of thought on how to work safely and effectively with horses and i have been fortunate enough to learn from many horse people and horses locally and abroad. I am proud of my experiences, of what I've learned and I do not pretend to hide from it. I have received Certification from the University of Guelph Kemptville Campus in Equine Management, for those who prefer to rest on written qualifications and they have invited me back to participate as a guest lecturer and to ask my advice on their own programs involving horses and youth.

When it comes to the part of my job that involves working closely with people I sought training as a counsellor. I did not do this to become a 'counsellor' I chose to attend the Counsellor Training Institute in Halifax so I could better understand the relationship between people and horses. To understand both sides of the equation and to build programs that people could relate to.

In conclusion HJC is a collaborative endeavor. It involves the workers who know the children best and does not make claims that we can 'fix' or 'save' anyone. We are a facility which works hard to get the message out that we exist as a resource for social workers, counsellors, youth workers and therapists to use in order to help their clients achieve their goals. We believe our approach to be holistic and effective when used correctly and in need of research to further develop.

Responsibility is a huge factor for us and as we continue to grow we invite constructive criticism in order to do so with grace and achieve great things for the people who need them most.

Our greatest achievement to date is this: the kids that come to us once, keep coming back.

How do you say goodbye?

2010-01-31T09:41:00.004-04:00

On January 2nd 2010 HJC had a video day. All of our volunteers and students came out to film the skills they had learned at HJC. All of our horses were in attendance.

Our oldest man Taxi given to us to enjoy retirement and his golden years came in to greet the students but seemed quite unsteady on his feet. We put him in a stall for most of the day with soft hay and water which he seemed quite content to munch on while receiving cuddles from young horse crazy girls.

That night Taxi stayed in so I could keep an eye on him, I was worried that his unsteadiness may have been the start of some neurological problems.

A wind storm that had been predicted knocked out the power and as it came back on I could hear a crash downstairs in the barn. It was midnight and the wind was howling. The way Taxi had gone down was blocking the entrance into the barn - and from what I could see of him he looked as though he were already dead.

When you live alone and you're faced with a job that requires a certain amount of man power to deal with, you're very lucky if your dad lives just up the road. Lucky for me, not so much for him.

We got the door open wide enough for me to slip into the stall and get a proper look at my old man, he was down and looked quite defeated. I don't know how to describe the look a horse gets in their eyes, whether they are cast in a stall or under severe distress... it's like they know this is the end. My herd was in the arena, all eyes and ears perked in Taxi's direction.... they knew too. It took me longer to come to the same conclusion. I willed him for hours to fight and he looked back at me with the same tired old kind eyes, patient with me just as he was patient with all of the small children he had taught to ride. I finally caught up.

Making the decision is a necessary evil. I held his head as the needle slid into his vein, petting the fur so many had trying to let this part of my family know how loved he was. It was so peaceful. He exhaled his last breath and the vet who had been so kind closed his eyes for me. Taxi was gone.

I'll not talk about the hell and indignity that followed, taking a loved friend out of the barn in Canadian January, but I can say that it is the worst moment I've had in the horse business and ranks up there with worst days of my life.

So I began to make the phone calls to little girls all over the Island who had to know their best horse friend who had taught them so much was no longer with us. Over the next week cards and sweet words of support came in from all over. 9 year old children concerned for the other horses now that Taxi was gone. Wanting the contact so they could soothe away the pain the others must be feeling.

What I will take away from this experience most is how deeply these animals have the chance to touch us all in short periods of time. Taxi touched the people who worked with him and we should never forget what that contact means to people. The relationship formed between an animal and a person is deep even if only for an hour or two a week - Taxi touched lives.

I'll always be grateful for that.

the gift that keeps on giving...

2009-12-23T12:32:00.003-04:00

When we started building in April of 2008, we hired a plumber to do two things: 1. He was to plumb HJC and 2. He was to project manage the construction of the facility.

It didn't take long for me to realize I was in for a struggle. Being a man of a certain age he didn't take kindly to taking direction from a woman of lesser age - he chose to laugh off deadlines I set and discuss me and my family to the contractors on site that still listened to him. He chose to turn off his cell phone when I was trying to get a hold of him and he chose to tell me more often than not: "you can't do that" or "it can't be done".

Little did the plumber from hell know how much I hated the word can't.

He became a constant headache and instead of listening to my priorities he chose to go about things in his own way, manner or time. So I chose to micromanage him until the day he messed up once too often and it was suggested he leave and never (ever) come back. After all I had been doing most of his job for him since the beginning of the building project.

Now I'm not naive. I know perfectly well my strengths and weaknesses. I am not a builder. I will never be a builder, but that said goals are goals and people actively standing in the way of you accomplishing your goals need to be removed. The atmosphere on site instantly improved, it was no longer a fight to the death over every single little detail.

However, the day the septic system clogged and it was suggested we would have to dig up the entire system to rectify the problem - I realized my desperate need for a good plumber. So I found a new one and immediately I cursed the old one.

Shortly after that the kitchen sink started leaking.

Shortly after that the weather worsened and my taps froze in the barn. They sit sheltered in an alleyway and share an insulated wall with my heated office. This by far is the worst offence when you have 5 horses who in the winter on a diet of hay will cruise through gallons of water a day. Now if the tap in the barn had frozen during a spell of -20 I would understand while trucking water from indoors - however this tap froze the minute it hit zero degrees. It could be RAINING out and the tap would be frozen. Ridiculous!

To add insult to injury there is another tap located on the north side of my building and sits entirely exposed to extreme conditions. It did not freeze until the temperature dropped below -30. Now I ask you: how is this possible? And again I cursed my plumber.

So for the entire winter of 2008\09 I bucketed water from the north side of my building, through my office and into the barn. Each bucket accompanied by a curse to the plumber who just kept giving his gift of inadequacy.

Each summer there is a long list of repairs to make and for some reason the plumbing wasn't at the top of the list seeing as throughout the summer it worked perfectly fine.

But as I write this today I'm sitting in my office surrounded by a pool of water that has seeped out of my office wall and onto my office floor. Not out into the barn, but inside saturating my dog Lalla's bed and leaving a sopping wet mess that needs to dry before I can really clean it up.

The new plumber is coming to fix the old plumber's mess.

I guess the season is fitting seeing as he is the gift that keeps on giving.

Be careful what you wish for...: What makes an expert?

2009-12-09T19:00:00.000-04:00

Be careful what you wish for...: What makes an expert?

How to be a horseback rider's parent...

2009-12-06T15:06:00.005-04:00

Photo Credit: Nina Linton of Nina Linton Photography PEI

It took me 4 years to fall off my first horse.

This is not because I was terribly gifted as a horseback rider, had cat like balance or rode sweet kind old horses - it was luck and luck alone.

By the time I had my first scary fall I was almost 15. A dog came out of no where barking at my horse Dewy's heels. We were riding alone in a small outdoor paddock and happened to be loping a circle. He did the most unexpected and beautiful roll-back - but as he went one way I continued in our original direction, in a summersault and bridge of nose first into a fence post.

When I landed I didn't have time to cry or shake and there was no one around to hug me and kiss it better - my horse was loose! So I chased the dog off, calmed my horse down, put him away and tried in vain to fix the fence post I had broken on my fall.

When I saw my father drive in I figured I could get away without telling him anything, all had been put to rights.

As he approached with a "what the hell happened to you" expression on his face followed by the same question, I tried to shrug it off - he then told me to look at my shirt which amazingly enough was covered in blood, as was my face. So, I went through the story telling him what had happened - his reaction?

"How are we going to sneak this past your mother?"

Horseback riding is not low risk. It's a dangerous sport that can land children and adults alike hurt. Just look at Christopher Reeves.

Risks can be managed but without a doubt if your child sticks with horseback riding they will be bitten, kicked, stepped on and I promise they will fall off. It's hard to manage one thousand pounds of animal when you're 9 years old! As instructors we try to control the risks as much as possible, however, we can't guarantee our horses 100% of the time. They have their own ideas, their own thought process - they are not bicycles. Luck inevitably runs out.

So how do parents deal with the difficulties their children are bound to go through?

Step #1 - Get educated. Buy a book, phone a friend and tour some stables to watch lessons. There is no one true right way to teach horseback riding, so go with a place that you think would work for your child. Accept that it will be challenging and frustrating no matter where you go and that your child will have to face some things that may be scary.

Step #2 - Don't freak out. When something goes wrong let the experts handle your child. If you freak out they'll freak out and a scary situation becomes scarier. If you can't do that, allow another parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle or friend take your child to lessons. You'll be doing them a favour.

Step #3 - Take a lesson yourself so you know what your child is going to be faced with - if you can, take a lesson with them and allow them to teach you a thing or two!

Step #4 - When bad things happen so long as blood is not gushing and a hospital visit is not required, remember 2 things: most of the time, it's not the horse's fault and if a horse bucks you off, you get right back on. Kids may need some encouragement to get back on or to learn to trust the horse again. It's worth it and later they'll thank-you for it.

We learn confidence and self-esteem not by dealing with the easy stuff but by getting through the difficult situations. When working with horses we are faced with many difficult situations and our love of the animal carries us through. Coaches and other riders can sometimes better help your child deal with these situations because once upon a time we were there too.

The little girl in the picture was 8 years old when she started. Because of her size everything was harder for her. At first she received help, then we started to take it away. This little girl can lift a 30lb western saddle onto a horse's back without help. Does she feel weak, or empowered?

What makes an expert?

2009-12-02T14:34:00.002-04:00

Apparently, I'm an expert.

I don't particularly feel like an expert however I'm not entirely sure how an expert feels.

My life often lands me flat on my ass covered from head to toe in mud, battered, bruised with a huge smile on my face, crying my eyes out or cursing... I didn't really think experts did that kind of thing.

Until recently I imagined experts to be people who wrote the books and taught the classes. They were the ones who knew it all, the ones with the answers. Me? I only have questions. Most of which surround why I'm covered in mud, flat on my ass, smiling (or crying), bruised and battered and of course, my sanity is always up for debate. Recently, however, I was asked to lecture at the University of Guelph Kemptville Campus, the Equine program. A program that I graduated from a few years ago. It would seem the student has become the teacher and I am left to discover and present my expertise.

So here I am preparing for a lecture on equine facility management and I don't feel as though I am qualified to teach students how to manage anything - unless it's how to end up flat on their asses covered in mud. For this I am expertly trained. Most of the time I find myself fondly remembering doing the bidding of others - being managed. Half the work and a quarter of the responsibility. What kind speech is that?

I'm left with my experiences of the process - designing and building my own facility and attempting to execute my business plan. Through this I've learned one thing loud and clear: the books, the teachers, the 'experts', don't tell you the truth and they definitely do not teach you what you need to get through it. They lie. They make it sound as though business people have it all together, like things happen in an ordered linear fashion, like doors don't blow in, like coyotes don't exist, like a balance actually does and like they would never end up on their asses in the mud. Ha!

So here's my truth and the basis of my lecture, what I've learned.

Your education, degrees, certificates or otherwise don't amount to anything when your horses escape, head down your driveway and you're on your farm alone. No book will teach you about these situations and no book will teach you how to pick yourself up out of the mud, abandon the lost rubber boot that got you there in the first place, shake off the the ew factor and walk confidently back to your office knowing full well the boot retrieval mission may find you in exactly the same position the next day.

I don't work with kids and horses because I like mud - I do it to find answers to my questions and because everyday I have to deal with the mud is a day working with kids and horses is possible. I love my work and I believe in it even when it sucks. And I promise you there will be days when it will suck and I can promise you if this is something you love it will still be worth it.

You'd just better love it a lot!

2009-11-30T18:38:00.003-04:00

HJC and I have a proper blog!! Whoot!

From now on we will be updating as frequently as possible and I swear I will try not to let the chaos of my schedule interfere with the updates.

It's going to take me awhile to get onto the blog thing so please post your comments and help me grow.

Thanks again to everyone who has supported me and HJC on our journey, I hope this will be an insight into our efforts to make youth programming the best it can be!